by Mike McHugh
There’s been a lot in the media these days about the drop in oil prices. Many of the stories seem to imply that it’s a bad thing. It makes no difference what’s going on in the world, the media will portray it as the worst thing since Pearl Harbor, or even since the Beatles broke up. They could make a deal that brings lasting peace to the Middle East, and the media would moan about how the arms dealers would need to go on food stamps.
I remember how these same pundits were predicting world economic collapse when oil was north of $100 a barrel. To try and make some sense of it all, I went to the only source that I can trust—that world-renowned Cajun think tank, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux Research Associates, LLC. What they said astonished me. HereI called the office to see what they knew about the effect of falling oil prices on the world economy, and is the gist of our conversation:
B&T: Yes, Mr. McHugh. We have done extensive research on the topic of cheap oil, and the findings would surprise you.
Me: Oh really? What’s your source?
B&T: It mainly comes from ol’ Angus Fontenot down at Fontenot’s Bait and Fuel Stop. We spent many hours in conversation out behind his walk-in freezer over boudin and Lone Star.
Me: And what did he have to say?
B&T: Well, it seems that this crash in oil prices has really hurt the finances of the Saudi oil sheiks, and they’re finding it increasingly difficult to bankroll our nation’s debt.
Me: So the federal government will be forced to tighten its belt?
B&T: Don’t be silly.
Me: What will happen, then?
B&T: Out of necessity, the job of financing the federal deficit will fall to the only other group in the world that has the vast wealth required to do so.
Me: You don’t mean…
B&T: That’s right, Mr. McHugh; we’re talking the Mexican drug cartels.
Me: But isn’t the government fighting to put these same cartels out of business?
B&T: Yes, but only by appearance. Fact is, the government couldn’t afford to shut down the cartels.
Me: So then, our politicians will be in debt to them. It’s a sobering thought.
B&T: It was to us. We barely felt a buzz from the Lone Stars.
Me: So what does it all mean?
B&T: It means that all the golf courses will become overrun with foursomes consisting of drug lords and politicians. Nobody else will be able to get a tee time.
Me: Won’t the drug lords just be taking the Saudis’ place?
B&T: The Saudis don’t play golf. Their country is nothing but one huge sand trap. And besides, it’s against their custom to wear loud clothing.
Me: Then what will all those displaced golfers do?
B&T: We predict massive protests. “Occupy Wall Street” will look like a tea social compared to “Occupy Pebble Beach.”
Me: I can see why they’d be teed off. It sounds ugly. I mean, those guys carry clubs. But don’t the drug lords have superior firepower?
B&T: Apparently, you’ve never caught a glimpse of Boudreaux’s swing.