by Mike McHugh
Gentlemen, why not consider a visit to Texas this spring to check out the wildflowers? The state’s rolling meadows are a spectacle this time of year. Your wives will love you for it, and, contrary to what you hear down at the bowling alley, it is not a gateway to scrapbooking.
In Texas, the wildflowers appeal to both men and women alike. They are, in fact, the most popular living things in the state, certainly more so than the Astros, but again, I’m talking about living things. They certainly outrank other prominent Texans, particularly Jerry Jones, after the Cowboys failed once again to make the playoffs. Hell, a purple coneflower even got more votes than Kinky Friedman in the race for Agriculture Commissioner.
Bluebonnets are the best known among the hundreds of native flowering species. They are the Heidi Klum of the plant kingdom. You can’t deny that they appear on at least as many wall calendars, and rumor has it that they’re getting their own reality show.
What with their raging popularity, you’d think that these flowers would go out of their way to guard their privacy, limiting their public appearances to selected red-carpet events. But no, the bluebonnets and their kin are surprisingly accessible. They just sit along the roadside all day long breathing tailpipe fumes. Your redneck cousin Leroy could walk right up and pose with them for a photo, and they wouldn’t bat a petal. Imagine one of the Kardashians doing that.
And so, you owe it to yourself this spring to take the wife out for a leisurely drive along the Texas byways. Feast your eyes upon these natural beauties. Take loads of pictures. Maybe even get an autograph.
Hurry up before the flowers get wise and sign on with an agent.