Yankee Yahoos

Yankees like to pride themselves about how they are so much smarter than their Southern counterparts.  They talk like we (and I say we, now that I’m officially adopted) have the collective intelligence of a bowl of red beans and rice.

Well, I’ve got news for my former comrades.  I was talking yesterday to a Yankee colleague who works in retail up there, and if some of his customers are any indication, they don’t have much to brag about.

Roy works at an outlet for a major electronics and office supply chain.  The stories he told me are no lie.  For instance one genius walked into his store looking to buy ink cartridges for his printer.  “What kind?” Roy asked.

“Uhhh, the kind that you sit on top of a desk,” the customer answered.

“Great,” Roy said.  “That sure narrows it down.  Do you know the manufacturer or model?”

“No,” said the customer, “that’s supposed to be your job.”  Indeed, psychic ability is a requirement for sales associates in Yankee Land.

Then there was another customer who came to his register with an item that was marked at $180.  “It’s showing $150 on the register,” he told her.

“Oh, no!”  she replied.  “I don’t care what it says on your register.  You’re gong to give it to me for what it was marked on the shelf.”

“But, ma’am, the price on the register is in your favor,” Roy tried to explain.

“Don’t give me that!” she responded.  “I’m paying what it says on the tag and not a penny different.”

And so Roy had to relent.  “Okay, I’ll override it.  You drive a hard bargain.”

“Thought you were going to get one over on me, didn’t you?” she said smugly.

Indeed, idiocy seems to defy geographical boundaries.


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